Metalachi Tickets

........On a hot summer night in Juarez Mexico circa 1982, Consuela Espinoza stepped out of her dilapidated shanty and into Rock N Roll history. What began as an innocent night of snorting horse tranquilzers in a hotel room with three cabbies haphazardly went on to produce the greatest Metal Band to ever live. Nine month and 17 "accidental" tumbles down stairs later, five bastard children where born. Unable to care for her hungry offspring, she almost immediately decided that motherhood would seriously hamper her club time and she made a decision that would alter the course of music history for eternity. Hastily packing the babies into the saddlebags of a burro, she slapped the ass on the ass and sent her children off to America in search of a better life. Against all odds, 14 years later and nearly dead from dehydration, the burro knelt to drink from the stagnant waters of the Rio Grande....mere yards from American soil. From a hazy, sun baked coma, five unkempt, teenage brothers triumphantly lifted their rumpled heads and squinted at the final destination of a journey now 14 years in the making......... ..A....M....E....R....I....C....A..!..........With one fleeting burst of energy the brothers Espinoza cinco climbed from their leather restraints and scampered the vast reach of the river, collapsing onto the sweet, amber hue of American soil. As if by destiny, lodged in the dirt beneath their tanned faces, a square cardboard sleeve written upon which were the words "PARANOID" and "BLACK SABBATH". For many years to follow, this definitive black metal album served not only as a teacher and a mentor....but also as a friend. From these bleak and humble begins grew the seed that would eventually be the band we know today, often referred to as the greatest HEAVY METAL band to ever live....always referred to as........ Metalachi.